It’s Tuesday night—small group night, again. It never fails to come around, and the temptation to cancel often comes along with it. Will that new couple finally start talking? Is there any chance the babysitter will be on time? Might John actually not dominate the conversation this week?
Leading a small group is a wonderful privilege—my wife and I have done it for the better part of a decade—but it certainly isn’t without its occasional challenges. Nonetheless, it is important to gather together in small groups as the body of Christ so that we can get to know each other, share the love of Christ with one another, and bear the burdens of the group as one.
No doubt, a significant portion of a small group’s value comes from simply gathering together and getting to know each other, but it is good to have intentional discussion around matters of faith, too! After all, this is a church small group we’re talking about and not just a community book club or neighborhood block party.
But how do you actually have healthy discussion in a small group setting? It can be tricky! Here are five ingredients of healthy small group discussion (this is not exhaustive by any means!):
Ingredient #1: Safety That Invites Honesty
Here’s the reality: healthy small group discussion requires some measure of vulnerability for all involved, and vulnerability requires safety. Someone must be able to say to themselves, “I know that I can share this about myself and no one will gossip about or think less of me,” in order for real, healthy small group discussion to happen. Without this feeling of safety there will be no vulnerability, and without vulnerability, the small group will coast around on surface-level topics and never dig deep into matters of the heart and soul.
An understanding of confidentiality and non-judgment are prerequisites for healthy small group discussion. Honest confession and other sensitive discussion will only happen when burdens are carried as a group, not weaponized against one another. As Galatians 6:2 reminds us, “Carry one another's burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
Leaders: we must model this vulnerability if we hope to see it in others. Going first here can be scary, to be sure, but it is the cost of being a leader, and it is a cost that should not surprise us.
Ingredient #2: Scripture at the Center
Healthy small group discussion orbits God’s Word, not opinions about current events, political issues, or other matters not central to the mission of the church. Colossians 3:16 is instructive here, when it says, “Let the word of Christ dwell richly among you, in all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another.”
Small groups do all kinds of different Scripture discussion together: some discuss the pastor’s sermon from the week, others study various topics, and others may do some kind of theological study. Regardless of what your small group does together, just know that the discussion will be most healthy when it is centered on Scripture and not other matters. Hebrews 4:12 tells us that God’s Word can do a lot of heavy lifting here when the author writes, “For the word of God is living and effective and sharper than any double-edged sword.”
The facilitator’s job is not to be a Bible college professor, but a facilitator of discussion around the scriptures.
Ingredient #3: Questions That Drive Conversation
This ingredient can be one of the trickiest ones to master, and it can take some time for new group leaders to figure it out. Not all discussion questions are created equally. Closed questions or questions that only merit a single-word answer (like yes or no questions) can kill discussion. Open-ended questions can drive a discussion forward. It can be tough for some small group leaders to know the best questions to ask in the moment, especially if the topic at hand is sensitive in some way.
As a small group leader, it is important to heed James’ word when he writes in James 1:19, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak.” Listening is a vital part of keeping discussion going. Likewise, leaders should look to ask “what” or “how” questions, and be willing to embrace silence, no matter how awkward it may feel. It’s also helpful to sometimes to move discussion along by asking someone to elaborate on an answer further, saying, “Tell me more about that.”
This is a tricky art of small group leading, but it is vital!
Ingredient #4: Every Voice in the Room
Many small group leaders know: it can be all-too-easy for just one or two voices to dominate discussion any given night in a small group. I confess: I have probably been this person before. Likewise, I have been a leader in a group like this before, and it can be difficult to navigate—you don’t want to shut anyone down, but you want others to feel free to talk.
Mutual sharpening and support requires mutual participation. Proverbs 27:17 gives us a solid vision for small group ministry, “Iron sharpens iron, and one person sharpens another.” This can only happen when everyone participates.
As small group leaders, we can gently re-direct people who talk too much and invite quieter members to participate without putting them on the spot.
Ingredient #5: Real Application for Everyday Life
When our small group discussion only serves as a means of information transfer about the Bible and it doesn’t help people know how to apply the Bible to their everyday lives, it isn’t as effective as it could be. Discussion that ends at insight breeds hearers of the Word, but not doers. James cautions us against this when he writes in James 1:22, “But be doers of the word and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.”
The author of Hebrews calls us to do more than hear the Word, but to spur one another to live like Christ. He writes in Hebrews 10:24, “And let us watch out for one another to provoke love and good works.”
For small group leaders, one way we can sprinkle this ingredient into our groups is by ending our group time with a question like, “What will you do differently this week because of our discussion on this passage?” or something like that.
You Are Not Alone—Rely on the Holy Spirit!
Perhaps the most important ingredient for effective small group discussion is a leader who knows that the Holy Spirit is in charge, no matter how well or poorly we lead. It is good and right for us to do all we can to sprinkle these ingredients into our small groups and try to be the best leaders we can be, but God doesn’t need us to be awesome. God needs us to rely on the Holy Spirit to work in the hearts of the people in our groups. So let’s do that, at the very least.
